The Funny thing with Turkish Men
As a traveller, I have run into very few problems with real harassment. My first trip to Italy in 2003 involved men yelling "Ciao bella!" after me. Nothing serious. Most of my travels in the Middle East have been with other people, which then minimizes the amount of hassling from local people. Last spring when I was in Syria by myself, there were guys along the sidewalk who would comment but I ignored them. I was friendly with the guys at the souks (or I would not have met the infamous Bashar), but they were just nice and even if they had ulterior motives, they kept it quiet.
After being in Istanbul in June, I did not think I would have any troubles on my own in Turkey. Except when I was in Istanbul I was with Bashar and nobody bothered us at all. Now before you worry, Mom, I was not at all harmed in Turkey. And to be culturally fair, it was partially my fault for being nice. If there were lessons to be learned, they are- do not smile at strange men (and in the words of Mae West- all men are strange) even if they tell you that you are beautiful. Do not engage in conversation with any men unless you intend to: sleep with them or tell them NO until you can get away from them.
Here are a few little stories. Now, I did have one nice conversation over cups of tea with a man at Ephesus and he was just plain nice. In fact, I almost asked if I could go pick mushrooms with him since I had a lot of time to kill that day.
Istanbul- walking along one street (Divan Yolu) is the place where most tourists hang and the men are armed with every cheesy line you can imagine.
Guy #1- Elkan, working at a shop on Divan Yolu. "Short hair really suits you". I was stupid enough to go have a cup of tea in his shop and he flirted incessantly with me- even after I told him I have a boyfriend. This was the first of four times I was to hear the line "Well, he's not here right now." Now, he did take me to several banks to see if we could find one where my bank card would work, to no avail, and then we ate dinner together. I had one drink and then he insisted I get another, which I could not finish. He was relentless in suggesting how much fun we could have together that night AND insistent on the fact that my Syrian man was not good enough for me. I asked Elkan if he had no dignity, upon declining his invitation to spend the night together about 100 times. For the first time in my life, I got up and walked away from someone and told them to f-off.
Guy #2- working at a hotel restaurant by my hotel. This was a friendly guy who offered me a cappuccino as I was on my way home from the horrible dinner with Guy #1. I needed to relax a bit, so we hung out and I told him the story of Elkan and he asked what I was doing with the jerk...and suggested we go for a drink and shisha to relax. And I was stupid enough to fall for that one. We went to a little touristy place that serves beer and shisha (this is not usual- places generally serve one or the other). So we were having a drink and a little water pipe when this guy, whose name escapes me, began to flirt, trying to get me to lean on him, hold his hand, etc. Again, he already knew I had a boyfriend and gave me the stock response- well, forget about him tonight. After trying to get me to drink more than I wanted to (I may be slow but I was on to this trick- a few more drinks than normal and she'll give in), and continuing to flirt, I got up to leave. "I've done this once tonight, and I am ready to do it twice," I told him. In silence he walked me back to the hotel. Ha!
Guy #3, Yashir, the hotel manager in Cappadocia. This is the worst one- I really should have booked into a different place in Cappadocia but I went through a travel agent who booked me into this place. Hotel Lalezar in Goreme- do NOT stay here, no matter how pretty the view. My second night in the hotel, I was checking my e-mail in the lobby and the manager poured me a drink of raki. Raki is the aniseed liquer in Turkey, comparable with the Arab arak, Greek ouzo, Italian sambucca- you get it. So I had a sip to be polite, but I know it was not going to go over well. I sat and chatted with the guy (hotel manager) for awhile and he offered to take me to hear some Turkish music. And when we got to this place, there was nobody except the couple guys working at the bar and a couple of their friends. We had one drink then headed back to the hotel. He wanted me to drink more but the few sips of raki were already causing some trouble with my stomach so I declined. As we were on the way back to the hotel, he suggested I come up to his room for 10 minutes to talk. I refused. When we arrived, he continued to suggest I come by to talk, just for 5 minutes. Right.
I went to my room and locked the door behind me, as I always do. My phone started ringing and I left it until I realized it was not going to stop. I answered and it was him, telling me just to come talk to him for 5 minutes. After yelling "NO!" at him, I hung up and he called again. This time I unplugged the phone. Later, I heard some banging at my door, but I did not get out of bed.
finally...
Guy #4, the shuttle bus driver (guy who drove me from the hotel to the bus station and drove on the first day of my Cappadocia tour). He offered to drive me to the next town where he was picking up folks from the airport. I would then not take a bus but a comfy large van. Okay. He wanted me to teach him some English. This is where I discovered the secret- I was looking at his Turkish-English phrasebook and there is an entire chapter (memorized by all men in tourism) on flirtatious lines from #1 (everyone's favourite) "You have beautiful eyes." to "I'd like to get to know you better." to "Can I kiss you?". My discovery of this chapter made me laugh uproariously- pages of come-ons. Only in Turkey. So this young guy tried to get me to kiss him when finally I yelled at him and told him to take me to the bus station immediately. He sincerely apologized and was worried I would complain to his company about this. At least he seemed a bit ashamed- there may be hope.
Again, my fault, I should know better than to engage in conversation, but what to do when you travel alone. Not talk to anyone? And especially people in the service industry? Oh well.
To summarize, here is the routine:
1. Compliment (Usually, you have beautiful eyes)
2. Chat, offer to go out for drink or food or Turkish cultural activity or party
3. Attempt to get you drunk, continue with compliments
4. (if applicable) Remind that your boyfriend/fiance/husband is not there NOW. You might as well enjoy your time in Turkey.
5. Get angry because you will not give in or...I am not sure how much success these guys have but there must be a certain number of women who relent.
Needless to say, I was very happy to get to Aleppo and be in the safety of male company.
After being in Istanbul in June, I did not think I would have any troubles on my own in Turkey. Except when I was in Istanbul I was with Bashar and nobody bothered us at all. Now before you worry, Mom, I was not at all harmed in Turkey. And to be culturally fair, it was partially my fault for being nice. If there were lessons to be learned, they are- do not smile at strange men (and in the words of Mae West- all men are strange) even if they tell you that you are beautiful. Do not engage in conversation with any men unless you intend to: sleep with them or tell them NO until you can get away from them.
Here are a few little stories. Now, I did have one nice conversation over cups of tea with a man at Ephesus and he was just plain nice. In fact, I almost asked if I could go pick mushrooms with him since I had a lot of time to kill that day.
Istanbul- walking along one street (Divan Yolu) is the place where most tourists hang and the men are armed with every cheesy line you can imagine.
Guy #1- Elkan, working at a shop on Divan Yolu. "Short hair really suits you". I was stupid enough to go have a cup of tea in his shop and he flirted incessantly with me- even after I told him I have a boyfriend. This was the first of four times I was to hear the line "Well, he's not here right now." Now, he did take me to several banks to see if we could find one where my bank card would work, to no avail, and then we ate dinner together. I had one drink and then he insisted I get another, which I could not finish. He was relentless in suggesting how much fun we could have together that night AND insistent on the fact that my Syrian man was not good enough for me. I asked Elkan if he had no dignity, upon declining his invitation to spend the night together about 100 times. For the first time in my life, I got up and walked away from someone and told them to f-off.
Guy #2- working at a hotel restaurant by my hotel. This was a friendly guy who offered me a cappuccino as I was on my way home from the horrible dinner with Guy #1. I needed to relax a bit, so we hung out and I told him the story of Elkan and he asked what I was doing with the jerk...and suggested we go for a drink and shisha to relax. And I was stupid enough to fall for that one. We went to a little touristy place that serves beer and shisha (this is not usual- places generally serve one or the other). So we were having a drink and a little water pipe when this guy, whose name escapes me, began to flirt, trying to get me to lean on him, hold his hand, etc. Again, he already knew I had a boyfriend and gave me the stock response- well, forget about him tonight. After trying to get me to drink more than I wanted to (I may be slow but I was on to this trick- a few more drinks than normal and she'll give in), and continuing to flirt, I got up to leave. "I've done this once tonight, and I am ready to do it twice," I told him. In silence he walked me back to the hotel. Ha!
Guy #3, Yashir, the hotel manager in Cappadocia. This is the worst one- I really should have booked into a different place in Cappadocia but I went through a travel agent who booked me into this place. Hotel Lalezar in Goreme- do NOT stay here, no matter how pretty the view. My second night in the hotel, I was checking my e-mail in the lobby and the manager poured me a drink of raki. Raki is the aniseed liquer in Turkey, comparable with the Arab arak, Greek ouzo, Italian sambucca- you get it. So I had a sip to be polite, but I know it was not going to go over well. I sat and chatted with the guy (hotel manager) for awhile and he offered to take me to hear some Turkish music. And when we got to this place, there was nobody except the couple guys working at the bar and a couple of their friends. We had one drink then headed back to the hotel. He wanted me to drink more but the few sips of raki were already causing some trouble with my stomach so I declined. As we were on the way back to the hotel, he suggested I come up to his room for 10 minutes to talk. I refused. When we arrived, he continued to suggest I come by to talk, just for 5 minutes. Right.
I went to my room and locked the door behind me, as I always do. My phone started ringing and I left it until I realized it was not going to stop. I answered and it was him, telling me just to come talk to him for 5 minutes. After yelling "NO!" at him, I hung up and he called again. This time I unplugged the phone. Later, I heard some banging at my door, but I did not get out of bed.
finally...
Guy #4, the shuttle bus driver (guy who drove me from the hotel to the bus station and drove on the first day of my Cappadocia tour). He offered to drive me to the next town where he was picking up folks from the airport. I would then not take a bus but a comfy large van. Okay. He wanted me to teach him some English. This is where I discovered the secret- I was looking at his Turkish-English phrasebook and there is an entire chapter (memorized by all men in tourism) on flirtatious lines from #1 (everyone's favourite) "You have beautiful eyes." to "I'd like to get to know you better." to "Can I kiss you?". My discovery of this chapter made me laugh uproariously- pages of come-ons. Only in Turkey. So this young guy tried to get me to kiss him when finally I yelled at him and told him to take me to the bus station immediately. He sincerely apologized and was worried I would complain to his company about this. At least he seemed a bit ashamed- there may be hope.
Again, my fault, I should know better than to engage in conversation, but what to do when you travel alone. Not talk to anyone? And especially people in the service industry? Oh well.
To summarize, here is the routine:
1. Compliment (Usually, you have beautiful eyes)
2. Chat, offer to go out for drink or food or Turkish cultural activity or party
3. Attempt to get you drunk, continue with compliments
4. (if applicable) Remind that your boyfriend/fiance/husband is not there NOW. You might as well enjoy your time in Turkey.
5. Get angry because you will not give in or...I am not sure how much success these guys have but there must be a certain number of women who relent.
Needless to say, I was very happy to get to Aleppo and be in the safety of male company.
posted by Granola Girl at
8:40 PM
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